I will love you if you want me to

The single most important contribution that each of us can make toward a world that aims to maximise the freedom of choice^[1] and the range of choices of the individual is to be tolerant of others: to respect their right to make choices, even choices with which we might strongly disagree or that are harmful to them^[2]; and to not make choices ourselves that deliberately seek to restrict the choices of others. 

Without an atmosphere of generalised tolerance only a very few of us, the strongest and most unscrupulous among us, could hope to realise our potentials. 

Without the goodwill and cooperation of the great majority of people, no amount of laws, enforcement effort, income redistribution, welfare services, or other institutional interventions will deliver us a progressive and inclusive World Order.  An order in which institutions do anything other than manage the exceptions is not sustainable – it would require inordinate effort, intrusion, and force by an ever-growing bureaucracy continually trying to keep one step ahead of the human ingenuity determined to subvert it. 

The majority of global citizens need to internalise, and generally and voluntarily live by a ‘Golden Rule’ of some kind, rather than a plethora of laws and prohibitions. 

In the New Testament Jesus said:

 "Whatever you wish that men would do to you, do so to them." [from the Gospel according to Matthew 7:12, Holy Bible]

Some five hundred years earlier Confucius had formulated a law of human relationships subtly different from the Golden Rule of the New Testament.  Confucius said:

"What you do not want done to yourself, do not do to others."
[from The Analects of Confucius]

Jesus bad us to reach out, to do unto others; Confucius cast his rule in the negative - don't do unto others. The difference only appears subtle - one is gregarious, loving, pro-active, perhaps intrusive and intolerant; the other is reserved, respectful of people's space, perhaps introverted. Jesus was determined to convert all to his truth, not admitting to any other.

Confucius was possessed by no such zeal or conviction.  A moral code that is not based on absolute revealed truth, and that needs to admit of diverse and changing truths, requires tolerance and reticence as its cornerstones.

But perhaps neither of these golden rules is wholly suited to the needs of contemporary society.  Love is proactive.^[3]  Confucius’ rule is not a recipe for love – it does not prompt us to reach out to others – to guide them and support them.

Perhaps a variation of the rule in the New Testament would be more appropriate:

"Do to others as you want others to do to you, if that is what they want."

Or, more simply and personally:

"I will love you if you want me to."

This recast Golden Rule requires that we each consider the point of view and the wishes of the intended recipients of our unbidden attention before we reach out to them, deferring to their wish not to be disturbed, should that be the case.  We might ask them outright, or we may place ourselves in their shoes, trying to adopt their point of view, presuming their "personal space" to be inviolable.  People have the fundamental right to decline our attention^[4], no matter how well-intentioned we may be. 

Generalised loving empathy^[5] is central to the indefinite survival of humanity.